Confidence and our Children
CONFIDENCE AND OUR CHILDREN.
Firstly, I am not a psychologist, psychiatrist or psychotherapist; not that there’s anything wrong with those esteemed professions, I just don’t happen to be one of them.
I am however, a parent, and I haven’t walked around with a bag on my head for last 50 years.
I have also struggled with self -confidence issues for most of that time.
So that makes me a considered expert on childhood self-confidence issues eh?
Hardly. I can only pass on what I have discovered over many years of my own journey, combined with the joy of fathering two beautiful children.
At the end of a stinking hot, dusty day on farm near Wagga, N.S.W. as a gentle 5 year old, I had my face torn apart by a blue cattle dog keen to get to the tray of meat I happened to be holding at the time. It wasn’t an attack per se, just a dog jumping up on a little boy. Wrong place, wrong time. How quickly one’s life can turn…..
The interaction of the dog’s claws and the softness of my face resulted in 6 weeks in Wagga Base Hospital, much loss of blood and many stitches. It was the start of a long road to recovery, challenged by many hospitalisations, schoolyard taunts, a complete lack of self confidence, but also saw the discovery a marvellous teacher when I really needed one.
It is because of the teachings of this wonderful woman and my subsequent passion and research on the subject of confidence, that I present my ideas to you now. But first, I’d like to share a little bit about her.
As a result of the dog incident, I was an extremely shy, self -conscious boy. School can be a cruel place, but I still had a small band of loyal friends. One of them said one day “ I go to this really fun class with this old lady every Friday after school. You should come too!” Those words literally changed my life.
The ‘old lady’ she so kindly referred to, was one Phyllis Clarke who taught, what was originally known as ‘Elocution’ but had changed to ‘Speech and Drama’.
On my first day in the class, I shuffled in, looking at the floor as usual, painfully shy of this new experience. Mrs Clarke actually laid down on the floor, looked up at me and said, ”What ARE you looking at young man? I can’t stay down here all day, so you’ll have to get in the habit of looking up at me.”
She then went on to say that her eyes looked funny too. On closer inspection, I realised that she had one brown eye and one blue one!
“See? I don’t worry about that do I?” Wow…..I had no idea what to make of this lady.
CONFIDENCE AND OUR CHILDREN. cont
She then got me to read her a poem called ‘The Bullocky” with as much expression as I could.
After the recital Mrs Clarke informed me that I will be performing ‘The Bullocky’ at an Eistedford next week in town.
‘Great!’ I replied. ‘What’s an Eistedford?’
When I found out, I was far from happy. ‘Oh yes’ she said, ‘ and you’re going to win.’
Well, I didn’t win. But one week later, I stood up in front of a bunch of strangers and an intimidating panel of judges at the old Railway Institute at Central and recited ‘The Bullocky”. I came second. Out of 30 kids. Little old me and my scarred up face.
Mrs Clarke made me wear my second place sash all the way down George St. which, in a way, was far more traumatic than standing up in front of the judges!
But this lady, somehow in her own unique way, had extracted a glimmer of confidence out of my shattered self esteem, setting me on a path to the performing arts I never thought possible.
In the following years under her gentle, supportive tutelage, my confidence steadily grew. I also witnessed children making astounding progress in losing stutters, lisps and all manner of speech impediments. Mrs Clarke seemed to address the confidence issues primarily, through speech and improvisation games mixed in with a small dose of Eistedfords!
So what’s my point here? Go off and scare the daylights out of your children at an Eistedford and all will be well? Of course not.
Based on my experience and on subsequent students that I came in contact with, (yes, I finished my Diploma of Speech and Drama with Mrs Clarke….only took me 13 years!!) my take on childhood self esteem and confidence is this…..
1) A lack of confidence and low self esteem can manifest really early in our development, for a number of reasons; physical characteristics, environment, lack of constructive parental support etc.
2) Recognising and addressing these issues early is crucial in preventing them from becoming major obstacles in adolescent/adult life.
3) There may even be ways of preventing/ minimising self esteem issues by introducing concepts to children early on, sewing seeds if you like!
4) It’s SO much easier to address these issues early!! In the same way a child raised in a bi-lingual household speaks two languages without even giving it conscious thought or effort, that same language is difficult for an adult to learn fluently.
When you have a really good look at it, confidence is the cornerstone of pretty much everything we do in our lives; our performance at work, sport, socially, relationships, all hinge on our level of perceived confidence in ourselves.
Sporting folklore is littered with examples of people that have just plain ‘lost it’ at crucial times, often resulting in degraded performance for years.
I presently work in Flight Training for an airline. Boy, does confidence play a part in effective performance in aviation? You bet!! Every time you climb into that simulator for your licence renewal (4 times a year!) you need to have done the required study, but you also need a healthy slice of self -belief for breakfast!
There’s also a danger of labelling every quiet, shy child as ‘under confident ‘and requiring treatment! Some kids are happy being quiet (I haven’t come across too many ‘quiet’ ones in our house….) and would respond negatively to being forced into changing. I’m not suggesting for a minute that we do anything like that.
I’m talking about giving all children the chance to fulfil their maximum potential in their own way, by instilling a positive sense of belief and self- worth/image.
What a fantastic gift a parent can give to a child!
This article isn’t a ‘how to’. It’s simply to raise awareness of the issue of positive self- esteem in our little folk and the effect that has as they travel into adulthood.
The work definitely needs to be addressed. We wouldn’t have so many under confident adults around today if it didn’t! Why is public speaking one of society’s greatest fears, even more so that shark attack??
I’d love to hear your stories on this subject. Please feel free to drop me a line on
littlemessages@hotmail.com or visit our site www.littlemessages.com.au
Cheers….
Geoff Hay